Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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