i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she looked like the before picture.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
