Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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