While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
