How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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