I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
