Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
