good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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