Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
