get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
