she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
