Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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