His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
