Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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