a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
