i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
