He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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