I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
