my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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