so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
