Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
