Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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