Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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