I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
