she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
