You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
