ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
