Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
