ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
