If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
