My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
