Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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