We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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