Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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