Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
