it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
