I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
