I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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