i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
