it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
