btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
