Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
