You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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