I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
