i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
