They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
