He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
