He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
