I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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