just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
